National Coming Out Day, My Story by Ace F.

My coming out was quite the event. It wasn’t a singular moment that was so impactful, but a collection of moments that shaped who I am as a person.

My first experience was when I came out to my parents as pansexual. I knew I was gay, but I had feelings for mostly men or masculine presenting individuals so I just said I was pan to make it easier on everyone else. I soon realized that this wasn’t right at around 2018 and I came out as genderfluid because I knew that something wasn’t right about femininity for me. My mother was very supportive. She would ask me and check in with me like I would ask her to and I seemed to always want to be referred to as masculine titles and pronouns. It seems like a click in my head in about late 2018 to early 2019. I came to realize that it wasn’t that I was genderfluid or pansexual, but my eternal feeling of masculinity that I’ve had ever since I could think was more than just a tomboyish feeling. I was a man. I was a boy. I was a gentlemen in disguise. I cried, laughed, got angry, wondered, questioned, doubted, felt guilt, every feeling you can think of. I came into acceptance that the longing feeling in my heart all along wasn’t to settle with the uneasy feeling of doubt everyday in my heart, but to be who I really am and have always felt like… a man. I felt it in my fingertips to every strand of my hair. I feel it every day. I breathe in the euphoria and the feeling that this is right. I exhale understanding and acceptance in my future and hope.

My coming out to others or the world wasn’t my “coming out.” MY coming out was letting myself accept me for who I’ve always been, but haven’t been able to understand.

- Ace F. (He/Him/His)

Note: Ace and his parents have given us full permission to share his coming out story.